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My roommate is an absolute angel, but…

I originally wrote this for Reddit’s r/nosleep.

I know I’m probably gonna get a lot of crap for this but hear me out, ok?

I’m not ungrateful, I promise.

So, I don’t remember exactly how or when but I got a roommate. She’s nice (I think.. I’ve never met the girl, I only hear her), and usually very helpful around the house. I honestly don’t know how she does it.

I mean, the house is always spotless no matter what happens. Maybe she’s OCD? I try to do my part as much as possible but she’s always on top of everything and most times she beats me to the task as soon as I think of doing it. Frankly, I have a history of battling with depression and get into depressive episodes often. So it’s comforting that the house always looks nice because otherwise, it will be a complete shit show since at times I can’t be bothered to get out of bed.

Anyway, I wanted to test out how strict and serious she is about cleanliness and I started to deliberately mess things up to see how she reacts, cleans it up, etc…

I know, I know, terrible of me to take advantage of her… I know.

At first, it was small things. Dirty laundry out in the hallway, my dinner dishes sitting in the sink, but then I sort of escalated it to purposefully knocking things over, and breaking an item or two without cleaning up the mess.

Almost instantly, and as soon as I get out of the area, the mess would be gone. I emptied a potted plant in the hallway, making sure to make as much mess as humanly possible, then closed my bedroom door and waited behind it, listening for footsteps. Not two seconds later, I heard a whoosh and I snatched the door open, but she was nowhere to be seen, although the mess was gone. The floor looked spotless.

Oh, she’s such a darling.

She didn’t say anything about my obnoxious behaviour, but she never even said a word to me before, so…

I don’t think I would even recognise her voice if she spoke to me. The only times I hear her are when she’s humming. She has this song that she’s always humming and it’s my least favourite thing in existence. The tune is eerie and chills me to the bone.

But hey! If she’s happy…

Lately, though, we started pulling pranks on each other. Like, I would break the vase into little, sharp pieces and leave them scattered all over the floor, and then I’d throw myself onto my comfy, perfectly made-up bed (which she makes for me every morning, bless her) to find myself rolling on the said broken vase. My sheets were covered in my blood instantly as the fragments of the vase dug themselves deeply into almost every inch of my body.

Okay, I’ll admit. That was stupid of me. I probably shouldn’t have thrown myself on the bed like that, but to be fair, no one would’ve expected the fragments to cut their way through the covers to find my body, as if they were attracted to it like a magnet. That was weird.

Anyway, the next day I found breakfast already made, which was really nice since I was still in so much pain from the broken vase. I practically inhaled it before very loudly thanking her, knowing full well that she’s probably somewhere close by waiting for me to finish so she can clean up.

I wish she wasn’t this shy.

That day I think I got a stomach bug or something because I was throwing up the whole day. I got so dizzy and sick that my eyes started playing tricks on me. The food I threw up had tentacles that were dancing upwards, attempting to get back into my mouth. I quickly shut the toilet lid and flushed.

Bile isn’t supposed to move, is it? I never paid attention in science class.

Anyway, my roommate must’ve gotten a dog or something because one night I woke up and there was this beast lying on my chest. It was dark and I couldn’t see, but the shock of seeing it paralysed me and I remained still as the huge doggo nibbled on my ear. Bless him (or her?), they thought my ear was a treat and was trying to bite it off. I felt a hot liquid drip down my neck and I wasn’t sure if the doggo had successfully bit into my ear or if it was just his slobber. Its breath was horrible, either way. Seriously… I think my roommate should start caring about the dog’s oral hygiene because it smelled of death and decay.

I tried to move my hand but I realised the reason I didn’t move before wasn’t out of shock… the beast was paralysing me.

I bit my tongue trying not to scream, now the panic settling in, in fear of the doggo getting frightened and becoming aggressive. I wanted to call out to my roommate to get her to come to haul him off, but I realised I don’t actually know her name? How can I not know my roommate’s name?

The dog must’ve sensed a change in my breathing and let out a very weird-sounding howl before digging its front paws deep into my chest and getting off. I exhaled as the heavy weight lifted and looked around. It was already gone.

The funny thing is… my bedroom door was still closed.

I wanted to talk to my roommate about this. Letting her dog into my bedroom is unacceptable. I know she does a lot for me and has helped me a lot, but there are boundaries. She doesn’t pay rent, and I’m the only one paying off the mortgage on the house. I know that it was a very good bargain in such a neighbourhood and that I practically bought it for pennies, but still. She shouldn’t take advantage of the situation.

I left her notes regarding the dog, but I think the dog always finds them first because I’d find them chewed up and spat on the floor. Those were the only messes she didn’t clean up. She wanted me to see what she really thought of my opinion regarding her dog.

I wanted to blame her and get angry, but she’s such an angel, how could I possibly get angry at her?

For a while now, there had been renovation noises around the house, although I wasn’t quite sure where they were coming from. I did notice however that some rooms aren’t where they used to be. Walls built where there were supposed to be doors. Several doors right next to each other that open to the same room. A door that opens to a solid wall, etc…

She always does this at night, though, and I guess she sends her dog to my room so it’s out of her hair while she focuses on the renovations. I grew to be quite fond of the dog, although he still likes to paralyse me and nibble on my body. Once, I felt it going to town biting actual pieces of flesh off my arms and legs, but I couldn’t move or scream. Instead, I lay there in excruciating pain until the first rays of dawn when the renovation noises suddenly stopped and the dog was gone. I think I must’ve dreamt that, though, because when I woke up there were no pieces of missing flesh. Still, I felt bruised.

Today she rearranged the house completely. I didn’t like it at first, and frankly, thought it was quite rude, but the more I walked around the calmer I became towards the whole situation. These things would normally irritate me to no end, but for some reason, this didn’t. Especially after I drank the delicious smoothie she left on the counter for me. I know it was for me because it had my name written on it in sticky red ink. I felt rejuvenated.

Again, I’m not trying to be an asshole to her. I know she lives here and technically it’s her house, too. But shouldn’t she at least ask me for permission before doing major renovations? She doesn’t pay rent.

She’s starting the nightly work now, and I can hear scratches at my double-locked door as her dog tries to come into my room… Which leads to my decision to ask you for advice…

So, people of Reddit, how do I get my roommate to respect my boundaries and stop her from making alterations to my house?

I have to get off now… I’m starting to feel a little queasy.

Maybe I should look if there’s more of that smoothie.

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